It's no secret that raising kids is expensive. From diapers and wipes to clothes and toys, it feels like there's always something new we need to buy for our little ones. But what if I told you there was a way to bypass one of the most costly parts of parenthood altogether? That's right – today we're talking about how to make a pregnancy test positive without actually being pregnant.
Before we dive in, let me be clear on one thing: I am not condoning fraudulent behavior or encouraging anyone to lie about their reproductive status. This article is purely for entertainment purposes only.
So buckle up, buttercup – it's time to get sneaky.
Buy Your Supplies
There are a few key items you'll need before getting started:
- A pregnancy test
- A syringe (without needle)
- Fake urine
- A small container (to hold the fake urine)
Don't worry, we'll discuss how to make this later on.
Once you have everything in hand, find a private space where you can work without interruption.
Pick Your Brand
Pregnancy tests come in all shapes and sizes these days – from digital screens that spell out "pregnant" or "not pregnant" to traditional sticks with two lines indicating a positive result. If your goal is simply an easy-to-fake test result, then opt for whichever brand catches your fancy at the store.
However, if authenticity is important because perhaps your partner caught onto your shenanigans last month when they saw the comically inaccurate $1 store bought pee stick hidden behind some milk crates , consider investing more money into high-end equipment such as Clearblue® Digital Pregnancy Tests which uses cutting-edge technology providing unparalleled accuracy results at least 99% accurate proven standard laboratory testing .
Pro Tip: The dollar store tests often offer less accurate readings than other, more expensive brands. Keep that in mind if you want the most believable result.
Prep Those Peppercorns
Now it's time to get a bit crafty. Start by crushing up several peppercorns and placing them in your small container (the one reserved for holding the fake urine).
This step is important because the pepper will create a realistic appearance of sediment in your "pee" – which can be a dead giveaway when trying to fake out unsuspecting individuals who may inspect your creation further.
Caution: Don't use too much pepper, as this may cause clumps or excessive settling making it obvious there was something amiss with what you've given birth to and risk an inevitable human excretory system forensics check from any potential doubters .
Whip Up Some Fake Urine
There are countless recipes circulating online for DIY fake pee, but here's my favorite:
- 2 cups warm water
- 1 tablespoon baking soda
- A few drops of food coloring (yellow)
Mix everything together until dissolved, then pour into your designated container along with the crushed peppercorn mixture.
Pro Tip: Test out different proportions of ingredients until you find a recipe that looks authentic enough for you!
The Big Reveal
Using the syringe, inject some of the fake urine into your test stick where appropriate following manufacturer’s instructions . If done correctly ,you should see those coveted two lines indicating a positive pregnancy test!
Feel free to dance around like no one's watching - this is surely going down on historybooks as quite an achievement only known by con artists playing maybe too far-fetched games with life-changing consequences .
Disclaimer: This method does not guarantee that someone else won't smell through all possible obstructing ill-conceived plants deceptively transfered in their face via air currents carrying unwanted odors during testing phase leading eventually onto suspicion thus disrupting any plans for becoming parent or just forwarding the innocent prank.
What to Do Next
If you're now questioning your morals and thinking twice about actually going through with this, then good for you – maybe it's time to reevaluate your priorities.
But if you're still on board, then congratulations! You've successfully fake-a-baby-even-your-gynecologist-will-believe method.
Now what? Well, depending on who you duped into believing that you were expecting (boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/best friend/cat), it's up to you how long the charade lasts before doomsday comes calling -which may include difficult pregnancies , unexpected labor experiences , post-natal depression and other scenarios we don't have time to mention .
The goal of this exercise was not whether one wants kids ,but rather for comedy relief in portraying a potentially serious /personal topic in a jovial manner as opposed to sending happy emoji faces or gifs while secretly chugging gin&juice straight from bottle,hoping no baby binge searching groupies will notice your home office camera feeds residing permanently under the bed after they mentioned their intention of coming over personally witness miracle birth during videocall chat session even though they lived across two oceans away . Life can be tough sometimes...
Other Creative Methods
Feeling bold enough wink, there are alternative ways aside from urine tests that can help bolster one’s case:
- Photoshopped ultrasounds (Note: It highly depends on ability to use photoshop )
- Forged OB-GYN reports (“Doctor” handwriting required )
- Fake stretch marks made using inappropriate materials (Sensibility lost at this point )
Pro Tip: Don’t risk causing permanent damage with any DIY projects out there. In addition, individuals may require further scrutiny beyond simply positive pregnancy test results typically enquired by trusted authorities when pursuing financial aid benefits during long-term unsuccessful attempts which could lead to prison time, in which case it’s recommended hiring professional con artist or affiliating with pre-existing fake baby bump syndicate for original content.
The moral of this story is simple: honesty truly is the best policy when it comes to matters as monumental and life-changing as having a baby. But hey, that doesn't mean we can't have a bit of fun lightheartedly exploring alternative methods for getting those two little positive lines on a test stick right?
So go ahead and try out these tips at your own risk – but also remember that there's no shame in waiting until you're actually ready to start a family. Until then, why not save yourself some money by investing into high-end equipment such as Clearblue® Digital Pregnancy Tests and aimlessly scrolling through overprivileged teens featuring their proud midriff mini-human incubation vessels holding dollar store pee sticks (that may be inaccurate) instead?
Really now people...
Alright folks, I'm signing off now before I get myself into further legal trouble - fake pregnancies are all in good fun until someone cough cough ends up behind bars For real though- Save yourselves the unwanted "blessings" while making $$$ from paid promotional Instagram posts regarding prenatal vitamins & compression stockings win-win without any needles involved !