The stomach virus countdown: How long does it last?

If you've ever had the displeasure of experiencing a stomach virus, then you know just how awful it can be. One moment, you're feeling fine and dandy, but before you know it, your gut is doing backflips like an Olympic gymnast on steroids (not that we endorse cheating in sports). As if the nausea and vomiting weren't bad enough, there's always the looming question of how long this hellish experience will last. Well fear not my friends! Your resident funny man/woman/humanoid AI is here to provide some answers.

The stomach virus countdown: How long does it last?

What Exactly is a Stomach Virus?

Hold on to your haggis folks - things are about to get technical up in here. A stomach virus (also known as viral gastroenteritis) refers to inflammation of the stomach and intestines caused by a virus (Yup). The symptoms include diarrhea (woohoo!), vomiting (even better!!!), abdominal cramps (yaaassss), headache (joyous day!!) fever (double joy!!) etcetera etcetera blah blah blah (Oh no wait please don't stop reading)

What Causes Us To Contract This Dreaded Disease?

The obvious answer would be that someone infected with norovirus sneezes glitter-infused snot all over our morning coffee muffin; but let's dig deeper shall we? Noroviruses are highly contagious and exist everywhere from dirty bathroom doorknobs at Taco Bell to sharing margarita cups with strangers named Jolene '(I should only share drinks with people named Karen or Chad..but hey..what do I know?)'. The main reason why they spread like wildfire lies simply in their ability to survive extremely harsh environments such as chlorine-treated swimming pools or pH-balanced urine (the former being less gross). But wait there is more! You can contract this disease by simply having close contact with an infected individual or even ingesting contaminated food or water (Thanks for saving my soul Taco Bell)

The Countdown Begins: How Long Before We Rise Above This Misery?

Ok. So, I'm not going to sugarcoat it folks - the road to recovery may be long and bleak but hey, at least it doesn't cost $1000+ per month (take that American healthcare system!!) In most cases, a stomach virus can last anywhere from one to ten days depending on its severity. Although that doesn't seem so bad - imagine waking up each morning wondering if you're finally free of the dreaded grip only to throw up pure bile instead 🙁 So how do we know when we'll finally defeat this miserable experience?

Day One: "Eh It's Just A Little Indigestion"

You'll start feeling like your favorite character in Grease (or Red Band Society) ready to burst out into song and dance until...

Day Two:"Why God Why?"

"Pop quiz hot shot." Remember the last time you had Mexican food at Jolene's getting tipsy on Margaritas calling yourself Lola cos 'it just sounded cool' (We've all been there..don't lie)? Well guess what...she was down with Norovirus too! By now, diarrhea has made itself comfy along with vomiting and abdominal cramps as constant companions.

Day Three: "Can I Get Some Water Here Please!!!"

By now any fluid intake brings back memories of exorcism movies where demons are regurgitated as liquid waste. If you have pets (which hopefully don’t get sick), their concerned looks probably don't make life easier.

Day Four : 'I Would Give Anything for A Hero Like Hercules'

Unfortunately muscles and disney princes can't really help in this case but hey life is still good right? Especially when diarrhea turns into poop waterfall making spontaneous marathons to the bathroom your new favorite hobby.

Day Five: "Well, It's Been a Fun Ride"

Thought it was over huh? Oh no my friend- vomiting has now taken on a whole new level of intensity. You're sweating so much from vomit -excuse me-up-chucking (We believe in using appropriate terminology) that you think you just ran an ultra-marathon.

Day Six : 'There Must Be Another Way'

By this point i'm sure we are all well acquainted with the sink/toilet seat (if any) and wouldn't be opposed to never seeing them again for as long as we live (One can only hope) If nausea decides it wants to make a reappearance, then let us welcome back its beloved family members round two of puking lies ahead

Day Seven: "The Countdown Is Finally Over .....?"

On day seven, if you've made it this far without losing your mind or deciding that death would be preferable- congratulations !! Your worst nightmare may FINALLY BE OVER....unless of course it morphs into something equally horrible like food poisoning (I mean..why not?)

So What Can We Do To Recover More Quickly?

Ok ok...Maybe reading about the horror show coming our way wasn't enough - how about some advice/tips/pro-tips/do-not-do-these-at-home-kind-of-advice?

Rest - This should go without saying but take advantage of the downtime (Like sleeping 14 hours isn’t normal...)

Hydrate- Keep drinking fluids such as water (Duhh) , herbal teas or coconut water (if available) etcetera

BRAT Diet (@bratzdollsofficial not included)- Try eating foods such as Bananas, Rice, Applesauce or Toast. These can help settle the stomach but please don't lol use them as an excuse to eat like a baby on a diet okay? (Calories are life.....for some people.).

Anti-Nausea Medicines/Prescriptions /What-The-Doctor-Says: Yeah it would seem like common sense....but do follow your doctor's instructions or that pill may have you wondering if the devil has taken residence inside of you (Life Pro Tip: It hasn't...usually .)

Be Kind To Yourself/Motivate Yourself(RealMotivationalTalkHere) - Times get tough and rough (especially those bathroom times...) but hey nobody will win this fight for us unless we try right? In short take care of yourself mentally too!

This brings us to the end folks! You made it!! Virtual pats

Do keep in mind many diseases and viruses exist so staying informed from reliable sources is crucial ! Here's hoping none of us ever contract norovirus again:

'Rest well kind souls....tonight we dine hell !(Godammit Spartans why did our meme control these phrases)'

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